They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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