His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
