Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
