Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
