2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
