there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
