Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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