how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
