Duck Duck Cougar?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You don't make any sense
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