it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
