i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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