Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Panties = found
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
