She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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