You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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