Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
