Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
