you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
