Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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