I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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