Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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