i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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