We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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