What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
