Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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