well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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