Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
