You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
