i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
