His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
