Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
