so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
