She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
