i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Randomize
