You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
