Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize