I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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