why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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