I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
