I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
