Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
