Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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