I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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