Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
