Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
