Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
