Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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