I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there was a trapeze. enough said
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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