Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
