believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
