the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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