found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
