it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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