Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
