1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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