My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i was born a porn star she said
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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