i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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