i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
