I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
