also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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