No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
