I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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