There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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