I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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