i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
