saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
