just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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