I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
