can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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