he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
