Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
