Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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