I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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