my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We are all done wearing pants today
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