we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
